In our house the boys live on one floor and the girls on the floor above. Each floor is like a small piece of a different planet. I know that a few years ago, the so-called experts told us that except for plumbing, that boys and girls were really the same. I actually heard that some school districts in Maryland had decided to build all of the new schools without a playground. They were convinced that boys learned aggressive, non-gender neutral behavior from hanging out on the playground. (I am convinced that these “experts” have no boys of their own!)
The theory goes that if you don’t introduce any outside influences, the only thing that will distinguish boys and girls is the physical change that happens at puberty. Our family happens to be the “Brady Bunch” in real life, except for the fact that the kids aren’t “yours” and “mine”. They are just “ours”! If you sneak up the stairs to the girls’ area, you are likely to hear music, maybe some singing and certainly some chatter about boys, clothes and friends. If you slip downstairs into the “dungeon”, you are likely to catch the boys in mid-wrestle or a raucous game of “indoor soccer”.
I would like to give a word of encouragement to you mothers of boys. Don’t be afraid to let boys act like boys. Even my two year old grandson, makes “shooting noises” when he points his finger at someone, (He has not yet learned to be politically correct!), and he roars when he pushes his toy car, mimicking the sound of an engine. None of my girls made those sounds and they watched the same TV programs! I SWEAR that we never gave the kids any training to make them like this. Oh, sure, we certainly have encouraged our girls to become great women and our boys to become real men, but we didn’t have to teach the boys “boy stuff” and the girls “girl stuff”. When these little souls came out of my body, they were “hard wired” in a particular way.
I want to tell you about our youngest son. He is a good student and is liked by his teachers. The other day, he bought a chocolate chip cookie for his old third grade teacher, because he remembered that they were her favorites. (He is in high school now!) After school he plays soccer and is the captain of his competitive team. When he steps on the field, something happens to him. Last week he had the ball kicked at 100 miles per hour right in his face at point blank range THREE times. At half time, with blood trickling out of his nose and a noticeable red mark on his cheek and forehead, he exclaimed, “Hey Mom, we just aren’t being aggressive enough!” I like to call him my “Warrior-Poet”.
Yes, as moms we need to teach our boys to be kind and respectful, but we also need to teach them that it is ok to be a strong man and a warrior as well. Let our boys be rough boys and tough boys, just be certain to teach them that there is still room in that strong man for compassion and kindness.
As always, Hey Mom!
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